Recently I got a voicemail from my sister-in-law, Burb. This was the message:

“John, so I’m just driving home and I was driving under a bridge and there’s this guy walking over the bridge and he’s just holding his side and I’m like ‘oh, he’s probably been shot or something’ and then I’m like ‘no he hasn’t. that’s just weird.’ and then I looked and he hadn’t been shot but isn’t that weird that like nothing really big going on right now? there’s no alien invasions that are saying they are coming in peace but actually have sinister motives and there’s not like…been a blackout where everyone thought that for the past two minutes—like there’s no like, anything like that that’s happened. Isn’t that so weird? That everything’s so normal? There’s nothing—there’s nothing really big that’s happened. Like in those shows. Just wait. Something’s gonna happen. I can feel it…Or maybe I just want something to happen. Like not anything scary, like aliens trying to kill us because that’s scary. Even though I’d totally be part of the resistance because I’m not okay with aliens trying to kill me and my family. Um….but…umm…you’re calling me right now but I need to finish this message…Um, I’d be part of the resistance but at the same time, I’d be really scared to be part of the resistance because I’d probably totally get killed. But then I’m like well maybe I’d have my concealed carry by then…except I don’t know where to kill them to make them die…like that one guy, he got stabbed where the heart would be and they were like, ‘oh good thing you weren’t human or you’d be dead.’ Like how do you kill them then? You know? If he didn’t die then how do you kill them?

Or there could be a flash forward. But that caused all sorts of drama because there were those people like killing themselves because they knew they were going to die anyway…so that’s kind of dangerous. I hope that if I did have a flash forward it’d be happy flash forward and it wouldn’t be like me cheating on my husband but then again I’m not married so that wouldn’t happen…and I hope it wouldn’t be something like someone’s drowning me in a pool of water…I hope it’d be something happy like…maybe I’m eating a lollipop? Like one of those really big ones that they sell at disneyworld that are like really huge and they have like swirls, you know? and they have mickey mouse’s face on them and it takes you a really long—(GASP)—or you know those big jawbreakers!?!? like giant jawbreakers that’s like the size of your hand? I used to buy those all the time. I hope that in my flash forward, I’d be eating one of those giant jawbreakers or a really large um…sucker…like one of those mickey mouse—Stunning once bought me one of those mickey mouse lollipops for my birthday once because I went through a phase where I bought those all the time…so I hope I’d be doing something like that. And I really hope that you wouldn’t be like…cheating—or I really hope that you wouldn’t be, um, drinking, um…and about to get shot up by people wearing masks with star tattoos. (GASP) I could be shooting you!!! I HAVE A STAR TATTOO!!! I hope my flash forward isn’t me killing you and your flash forward isn’t me killing you.  (GASP) You dying. (GASP) Oh, I hope that’s not it! Oooooooooooooooo.”

WOW.