While His Name Ain’t Farfel

His name is Truman.  Truman was one item that I brought into our marriage that wasn’t thrown away.  (That and my rocking corduroy shirt, which Stunning despises.)  Anyway, I think everyone that knows Truman has a love/hate relationship with the dog.  Some, such as my wife, are proportionately on the hate side.  For me, it’s more on the love side.

Truman is an amazingly kind dog.  He’s never really met a person he doesn’t like and if a robber were to come into the home he would love them so much that he might offer them a cup of coffee and then assist them in placing items in their car. 

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How can you not love those big puppy dog eyes and face?  He might just be the cutest dog in the world… There’s another side to Truman though.

imageIt’s the criminal side.  The side that will destroy items, eat things he shouldn’t, and lay around on furniture he has no business being on.

For example, one day Stunning came home to find Truman had eaten the chair.  When I left that day, I placed some liver paste (one of his favorite paste flavors) on a chewie and put it on the floor.  Well, he licks the paste off and accidentally shoves it under the chair.  The only way to get it now is to move the chair and rip it apart.  Then he gets so excited about his brut strength in moving furniture he also got a gift bag of tea and tears it apart. 

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Let me just say that Truman was “my dog” for a long time after that.

There’s another time though that Truman decided he no longer wanted to be in his really expensive wooden kennel.  image

He was “my dog” after that as well.

He’s no longer to be “home alone” anymore.  When he is, he knocks over trashcans and eats Baker’s Chocolate (then has to go to the vet, and the vet gives him “charcoal” to bind to the poison chocolate, and then he pukes charcoal and chocolate vomit on white carpet just hours before Stunning is throwing a baby shower at our apartment).  He spends his nights free to roam the house (at least until Junior comes), but he almost always stays peacefully in bed.  He spends most of his days outside in the yard lounging. 

No matter what he does though, Truman’ll always be a super dog in my book.

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“Yours” vs. “Ours”

There’s something that I have learned over the last three years and it’s that in marriage, my wife and I own everything together.  It’s pretty much “our car” (though she often claims the nice car as her own) and it’s our room, and our stuff.  However, over the course of the past three years, I have also learned a valuable lesson about items that will quickly become mine.

Entering into wedded bliss, I brought a beautiful dog with me named Truman (more specifically on Truman another day) but Truman and Stunning do not get along.  She hates shedding and Truman could supply enough fur for a factory creating miniature Trumans (that’s a bad analogy, but I think you understand).  She’s slightly allergic and I sometimes think he brushes his hair with a brush and then strategically places it in locations to make her sniffle.  (“John, what’s this clump of hair in my pillow case?” as Truman snickers in the corner.)  Here’s the deal, Stunning goes in waves with Truman.  Some months she’ll slowly grow to like and appreciate him.  Then usually when she’s at the height of their relationship, he royally pisses her off.  (ie. eats our loveseat, which has happened… no joke.)  Here’s where I understand how things work.

Wife is Happy with Dog
Our dog just did a trick.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
Your dog needs a bath.”

Wife is Happy with Dog
”Cute!  Our dog is playing!”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
Your dog just ate our chair.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog and Chair
Your dog just ate your chair.”

The dog isn’t the only thing this happens to…  I’m sorry to say it also happens with Junior.  She loves him (a lot more than she loves Truman, don’t get me wrong).  However, I seem to notice similar things..

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
”Look at our son moving against my stomach.”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
Your son is kicking my bladder.”

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
Our son is going to look so cute in this onesie!”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
Your son is making me sick.”  ::vomits::