From the wife today:

This is a long post—I am hesitant to write it because we have so many friends who are trying to have/expecting babies. I don’t want to scare anyone into thinking that parenthood is dreadful. So I will say that what we are going through, although not terribly uncommon, is not normal. My sister and brother both have babies who are happy and rarely fussy and sleep for hours at a time.

I didn’t have many expectations for motherhood but the one that I did have was that I would breastfeed for as long as possible (hoping to meet that 1 year mark). John and I attended the nursing 101 class and had many discussions about how he could encourage me to keep nursing even when I started to think I didn’t want to anymore. I think that we thought the hardest thing about nursing would be the “inconvenience” of it. Wrong.

First, for some reason, I developed a strange side effect of nursing: I grew increasingly nauseous every time Junior ate. I’m talking first trimester, I-might-puke-all-over-this-kid sick. That lasted about 2 weeks and then it died off. On top of that, Junior would only latch every once in awhile. We had to give him bottles half the time because he simply wouldn’t latch. Finally, early last week, we had a good rhythm: he finally started latching but he would nurse for a full hour and then would want to eat again in an hour or less. Then he began to scream bloody murder after every nursing session. A lactation specialist told me that he was just frustrated because bottles are so much faster and he was frustrated that he couldn’t get that same fast feeding from me. Of course, I thought this was ridiculous because if that were the case, wouldn’t he scream at the beginning of the feeding? After a few days of this, we started giving him a bottle when he would start crying. Luckily, I had a bit of a supply built up of pumped milk so we were good to go. Except for the fact that the kiddo usually drank 3 oz even AFTER a 60 minute feeding. We decided that something must be wrong with my supply. I went back to the lactation consultant and we found out that Junior was only getting 1 oz from me. Considering that he could down a 4 oz bottle with no problems, we were beginning to get concerned that my milk supply was low. After comparing what I was pumping to what is normal, I realized that I have a horribly low supply. Enter fenugreek and pancake smell. Unfortunately, although I did begin smelling like maple syrup, my supply remained the same. I can’t tell you how sad this all made me—I had convinced myself that I would nurse for a year and now I couldn’t even provide my son with 1/4 of what he needed at each feeding. We decided that I would stop nursing and only pump—we’d give Junior my milk from bottles during the day and formula at night (we just didn’t have enough of my milk to go without formula). It was simply too hard to nurse for 60 minutes, give a bottle, settle Junior down, and then pump to get any excess that Junior had missed (and to get a supply up for the bottles we now had to feed him). By the time all that was over, I only had about 45 minutes before Junior was ready to eat again. I was going crazy. I should say that I think it’s a shame that people make women feel so guilty about their decisions regarding nursing. There are people that are so pro-breastmilk that they forget that there is a human behind those boobs who needs sleep and sanity. I was not going to be a good mom to Junior if I kept that up. But everything I read and almost every “professional” I talked to made me feel like I was selfish if I stopped nursing, even though I couldn’t satiate Junior if I continued. Anyway, we made our decision and that first day was great! I gave Junior bottles when he got hungry and then pumped right away. He was way more chill because he didn’t spend all that time screaming out of frustration that he wasn’t getting enough food. John and I thought we’d turned a corner and that we would FINALLY have a happy baby. Unfortunately, we were wrong.

The last week or so, Junior has started to get hysterical after every feeding—even from the bottle (which he normally loves). It got worse and worse to the point that he would scream bloody murder during a feeding and for about an hour afterward. He was/is absolutely inconsolable. He is so hungry but he will take a few sips and then scream and scream and scream. So he wasn’t eating as much but then he’d wake up an hour later starving. And we’d go through it again. We finally got in to see the pediatrician and found out the news: our sweet little boy has both acid reflux and a milk protein allergy. Basically, he has such bad acid that his throat is totally raw. So every time he eats, it upsets that already irritated esophagus and he screams out of pain. But, of course, he’s still hungry so he has to basically suck it up and eat anyway—despite the fact that he is in agony. So when I thought that he was mad at not getting enough milk from me, he was actually in pain because his stomach had begun sending up all that acid to his esophagus. So low milk supply + acid reflux = super unhappy Junior.

It is, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It is impossible to watch him in such pain. He screams to the point where no noise comes out—one of those horrible, guttural cries. Add to that the fact that there is NOTHING we can do to calm him down or make him feel better. Mix in the lack of sleep because he truly won’t doze for long enough for us to fall asleep too. We usually get an hour of sleep and then he’s up for an hour and a half screaming. Rinse and repeat. It’s horrible. But at least now we have a diagnosis. The pediatrician prescribed Zantac—it’s weird and sad giving my one month old prescription medication but we are praying that it will work. We also switched to a special (and freaking expensive!) formula that is supposed to neutralize acid in his stomach so it won’t come up to his throat. Finally, I have to cut out all milk and milk proteins from my diet so that it doesn’t pass to my milk (and thus to Junior). I didn’t think it would be that hard because it’s easy to avoid cheese, yogurt, etc. But I was wrong: milk proteins are in everything! Even the stuff where milk is removed still has the proteins left. We are so praying that this will all heal our little boy. The doctor said not to expect him to be better for about two weeks (TWO WEEKS?!?!?!) and we are sincerely asking for you to pray that it works. Today was his first full day on all the medicine, formula, etc. and there wasn’t much improvement. He went three feedings without screaming but then freaked out again (I am writing this post in the middle of the night after one of his scream fests). I really cannot tell you how much we’d appreciate your prayers. Thanks everyone!

Yesterday was my first day back at work, as you may have read yesterday… if that post yesterday made any sense at all.  I barely remember writing this.

You don’t really realize how much work you do at work on a daily basis until you’re gone for an extended period.  Then when you come back, there’s a lot to do!  Needless to say, yesterday was a very busy day and beyond that it made it worse when you are also very exhausted.

However, the toughest part by far was being away from my wife and son.  He’s a beautiful baby, but goodness gracious can he be fussy!  I love him to death, but when you see “perfect baby” in the dictionary… it’s not our kid.  He has two main times to be fussy… the first is in the morning from 6am to noon.  The second is from 9pm until midnight.  It’s not fussy that he has colic or something like that, it’s just typical fussiness at inopportune times.

Therefore, the hardest part about going back to work was to leave my wife at home handling it all herself.  For the time I had off, it was truly a two person job.  Now, it’s being forced into a one person job and that’s just not easy.  You combine some pregnancy hormones on top of that and it’s a crazy recipe. 

I came home for lunch, but that was only about 20 minutes (I live 20 minutes from work), so that gave her an opportunity to shower and be separated from the baby some. 

On Sunday night, she asked if I was excited to “get a break”.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was and I told her that.  The worst part though is that she gets no break!  Well, she will… but by the time she gets a break he’ll be sleeping through the night… or at least for a four hour stretch.

Anyway, the next challenge is to find a routine for us to be on, since our old routine is now bunk.

I wrote the previous post on Sunday and set it up to auto-post.  I would like to rescind some of the things stated within that update.

Junior has decided he’s not going to be a championship sleeper.  In that, he’s going to wake up constantly and not just every three hours.  That means his parents (that’s me, in case you were wondering) are not getting three hour spans of sleep together.  Instead, we take turns staying awake feeding him or trying to find other ways to keep him satiated.

It’s interesting in that we take turns of getting to the brink of utter madness from the lack of sleep and frustration from keeping him screaming and we take turns talking the other person through these feelings. 
It’s okay to be frustrated when your son decides not to sleep and you’ve done everything under the sun to settle him down, but he won’t.  When you’re low on sleep, it’s pretty crazy how this will affect you.

Therefore, after some consideration, I would pick my desired sleep pattern in this order:

1. The entire family sleeps for 6 to 8 hours straight.
2. Junior sleeps every three hours and we sleep every three hours with him.
3. Junior is still in his mother’s tummy and we sleep for 8 hours, but the quality of sleep isn’t very good.
4. I sleep on a carnival ride.
5. I sleep on a carnival ride sitting next to a smelly carny.
6. I try to take a nap on the wing of an airplane during take-off.
7. I sleep while being attached to a whale’s back.
8. I sleep and have one of those nightmares where you wake up and think the nightmare was real and you have thoughts like, “Oh no.  I need to get to the grocery store before the hippo eats all of my prized collectable golden apples.  If I don’t, the wicked witch of the jungle will eat me.”
9. I sleep while the chinese torture machine drips water on my forehead.
10. My current situation.

A couple weeks ago, I discussed my terrible sleep patterns.  The patterns were made by an app on my iPhone and they looked like this:

A good sleep pattern looks something like this:

This is not my sleep graph.  This is the sleep graph of my boss, who has the same app, and consistently makes me angry with all of his beautiful deep sleep.  Since he’s my boss though, I try not to let my anger show. 

Anyway, the first sleep cycle is a week before Junior decided to kick the hell out of the amniotic sac, rupture it, and come into this world two weeks early.  Now, my entire definition of a good sleep has changed.  Junior, thank to a bout of jaundice, had to go on a strict eating schedule.  It seems like each night there has been a different challenge or something going on.  Either way though, he has to eat every three hours.

I had always heard of people saying that sleep with a newborn wasn’t any good.  I just don’t think I ever understood that until now.  Here’s the deal, I get amazing sleep when I am actually sleeping.  However, that sleep is automatically interrupted every three hours.  Then you have to get everything ready for baby… feeding, changing diapers, settling him down that it can take awhile before you get back to sleep.

While the sleep isn’t as nice, I must say I think it’s been better sleep than those final weeks of pregnancy.  Unfortunately, it’s just not as much sleep.  Therefore, we have to ask ourselves which I’d prefer… I’ll get back to you with the answer, because I have no freaking clue.

You’ve probably heard the old adage: Everything is bigger in Texas.  For example, this is a cinnamon roll at a restaurant here in town:

It’s big.  (And in this picture, I look slightly drugged out.)
These are a pair of Cowboy Boots in town:

They’re big.
My wife is a Texan, so when it comes to the pillow she likes to lay her head on at night… she likes a huge, fluffy pillow.  Well, a couple weeks ago she went to the store and tried to go cheap on a pillow.  No dice.  The following is an artist rendition of her head:

All hanging loose and crooked. She gave up on that pillow quickly and returned to the store.  There she found a pack of two pillows for just $5.  Each pillow was too thin, but she knew if she combined forces the combo would be amazing… similar to peanut butter and jelly or milk and chocolate or the Power Rangers.
Now one would think it would be good to combine said pillow in one pillow case.  However, she had another idea.  She would surgically open one case, steal all of its fluff, and place it in the other pillow.  One case, twice the fluff.  She knew when this was complete, she would have her ultimate pillow.
She performed the surgery.  That night she snuggled up with her pillow.   It was then she discovered she had made it too fat.  Like too much peanut butter and jelly with no bread… it doesn’t work.

This is her pillow.  For comparison, I have placed a standard sized compact disk next to the pillow for comparison:

Yes.  It is true.  Everything is bigger in Texas.

They always say the last trimester is the most uncomfortable and I AGREE.  I’m not talking about my wife, I’m talking about me. 

Stunning is not in a good state right now.  She’s got a cold.  She’s got a giant basketball in her stomach:

You try and sleep with that in your stomach.  It moves too!! (Very similar to Alien.)

The trick for the husband is to find a way to manage his own sleep schedule when his wife in the same bed is unable to sleep at all.  Here are a few things that I, as the husband, am dealing with – turning over is a huge deal for her.  At this point, turning over in bed requires a feat of strength similar to those strongman shows where the guys have to move a refrigerator of bricks.  I also have a tough time sleeping if there are rhythmic noises and unfortunately breathing is a bit more difficult when there’s someone in the pushing against every vital organ.  And while stunning will be appalled that I’m writing this, but she does have an occasional “snore”.  Beyond that, there’s the constant urine breaks and the occasional strange dreams (we’ll discuss those in more detail later).  Needless to say, there are some interruptions to my sleep pattern.

The first thing a scientist should do is analyze.  Therefore, I bought a $0.99 iPhone App that measures your sleep cycles.  That’s right… THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT! 

Anyway, here’s a decent night’s sleep:

It’s not the best.  However, here’s a night where there was little rest for the weary:

Not a lot of deep sleep there.

Now some couples separate at this time of the pregnancy in order to sleep. We’ve decided not to do that.  Basically, because we only have one bed in the house and there’s not a good place to sleep otherwise.  I don’t sleep well on couches anyway and she should be in a bed… not a couch in her current condition.

Anyway, to survive this, I’ve noticed a couple things work.  First of all, I sleep with my ears away from her.  It’s sad, but this is not a state conducive to cuddling.  The second tip is a set of ear plugs.  Hate to say it, but this takes care of the breathing and the inevitable grunts as she attempts to roll over.  With these two tiny tips, my sleep ability has improved some. 

This wasn’t the nicest post.  Basically, blaming my wife for all of my woes and giving advice to wear ear plugs so you don’t have to hear your wife… but you know… in the ninth month of a pregnancy, you do what you gotta do.  Anyway, this is all just a little training for a few weeks time, when I won’t be allowed to wear ear plugs and I’ll get woken up by a baby… and not my wife.

I’ll get a good night’s sleep though when all the kids go off to college, so it’s not big deal.