Take that as a lesson of life… it’s really not that fun to almost kill your wife.  When your wife is pregnant, it’s even less fun to almost kill her.  And it’s even less fun to almost kill her and in the process of doing that to have the giggles.  That makes an individual extremely sad to be in that situation.

Stunning was taking her pre-natal vitamins.  They help the baby grow strong and healthy.  She went backwards though… she took the sip of water, held it in her mouth and prepared to pop the pill in her mouth.  Immediately before she did that, she was dancing to the Beastie Boys and her moves were mesmerizing.  I commented on that after she took a sip of water.  I was like “Woah!  That was amazing!” and she turned around with water in her mouth with the strangest look on her face.  She had water in her mouth and she was smiling, but not opening her mouth….  It was a ridiculous look. 

Anyway, as I’m walking to the trashcan to throw away some paper, I notice this ridiculous look and I say, “What the heck is that?!”  You know?!?  Here she was just getting down to some Beastie Boys and now she looks like a lady who just ate pure sour.  Anyway, this is too much for her to handle and I start laughing and she starts laughing, except taking a HUGE breath when your mouth is full of water makes you choke.

I look up from the trashcan and she’s not laughing… she’s actually not making any sounds at all.  She has a look of horror on her face and she’s gesturing for me to come over.  I run over there and turn her around to give the Heimlich Maneuver.  However, there’s a ever growing baby in the way.. so she pushes my hands away and I slap her on the back.

Then she starts to cough.  Coughing is good when you’re choking, because it means there isn’t a pure vacuum and you’re getting some air.  Knowing my wife wouldn’t die, I start laughing.  I don’t know why… I just do…

Of course, it’s a terrible idea to laugh when your pregnant wife is almost dying and sounds like she is dying with a cough. 

She’s fine now and so is junior.  Thank goodness.  Anyway, a couple lessons from this for any future fathers out there:

1. It sucks to be the reason your wife is about to die from choking.

2. It really sucks to laugh mere milliseconds after you realize she’ll more than likely be okay.

3.  It is possible to do the Heimlich Maneuver on a pregnant woman.. (I looked it up on the Google.)

4.  When it’s all done and she’s still coughing twenty minutes later, the pain of the whole situation comes flooding back with each hack.

A word to the wise… never ever make your pregnant wife laugh when her mouth is full of water.  It’s just a bad idea.