There’s nothing that says the end of the year like a Top 10 of that year.  Who could forget the top 10 innovations list in 1993?  Of course, you probably remember Zima at the top of the list.  Anyway, I thought we’d make our own little top 10 list… of the top 10 top 10 lists…

10)  The Top 10 Food Safety Stories of 2009:  Who would be complete without knowing that there were a lot of food problems in the last year?  And why wouldn’t you want to know that the number 7 story on the list was the agreement to not sell raw milk across California state lines.

9) Top 10 Birds of 2009:  Is it just me or have we all been seeing a lot of Downy Woodpeckers in the last year?  It’s not me… it’s the number 5 bird on the Top 10 Most Frequently Reported Birds of 2009.  Though, I thought it was ridiculous that they would even think about including the American Goldfinch at number 8!  What a travesty!

8) Top 10 Moments in Social Media of 2009:  I laughed and cried when I saw my friend’s post: “LOL!  I just woke up! OMG!”  Therefore, I was shocked and surprised that update didn’t make this top 10 list.

7) Top Voice Search Terms of 2009:  It wasn’t enough that we get to know what people search for when they type… but what about when they speak their search.  This list just “screams” amazing.  Makes me want to search for stuff with my own voice.  By the way, “Resident Your Bama” did not make it on the list. 

6) Top Ten PR, Communications and Branding Trends of 2009:  I too would have ranked “PR Was Re-Invigorated” as number 2.

5) Top 10 Things That Didn’t Happen in Florida: How clever!! A list that turns lists upside down!  Unfortunately for Florida, old people moving to Florida was not on this list.

4) Top 10 Local Stories of Cheyenne Wyoming: Nothing makes you feel better about where you live than looking at what the big news is in Cheyenne.  Number one story? “Hitching Post Forced to Close”.  Yes, that’s right… hitching posts were rendered useless across America in 1903, but it took until 2009 for Cheyenne to close theirs.  (And they didn’t just close it, they forced it to close.)

3) Top 10 Trailers of 2009: We’re not talking pre-manufactured homes (though that WOULD be a great top 10 list), we’re talking previews of movies.  As if 3 billion top 10 movies lists aren’t enough, we have to make lists to rank movie trailers.  I particularly liked any trailer that began with “In a world….”

2) Top 10 Fantasy Surprise’s of 2009:  No word if a) these are all made up, b) why Surprise apparently owns “of 2009” with that apostrophe or c) why these weren’t just the top 10 sports stories.

1) Top 15 Liverpool Matches of the Noughties: 2009 is even more of an awesome year for “Top” lists, because we can also make lists for the decade and they can have more than 10 (we have to cover the whole decade here, c’mon).  The “Top 15 Liverpool Matches of the Noughties” tops or tops list.  And why not?  We all remember the number one event back in 15/05/2001 (That’s the month of … 1 is January, 2 is February… 15 is… March.. yes, this date is actually March 5, 2002) when Liverpool beat Alaves 5 to 4?  That was amazing.  As the tag line says “It was always going to have to be a truly memorable match to top Istanbul, and the 2001 UEFA Cup final was most certainly that!”  And there’s no bigger truth than that.

Do people out there actually enjoy the process of buying a car?  Looking online, going to dealers, talking to sales people, deciding on safety versus reliability versus style, and the list goes on and on and on.

When Stunning and I moved to San Antonio from Omaha, we sold my old Honda Civic to my sister.  In the months since then, we’ve been a one car family.  It’s just like the old days in the 1950s… carpooling and scheduling who gets the car when.  It was all good and stuff, but enough was enough.

We needed a car for when Junior came.  However, we couldn’t spend a lot of money, because we don’t really know what our future financial situation is going to be beginning in the summer.  Student loans are fun, so is rent/mortgage, and utilities, and jobs… there are a lot of unknowns for us after the baby, so I didn’t want a car payment.  However, I also needed something safe.

On Christmas Adam (Christmas Eve’s Eve), we found a 2002 Honda Accord.  It was the top of the line when it was sold with side airbags and leather and a 6 disc CD player.  This is the car:

We went back to buy it yesterday.  (After I found a nicer car for the same price on eBay, then realized the “reserve” on the car was the same price as the “Buy It Now”… which leads me to wonder what the point of an Auction is… as in, there is no point.)

The price had dropped since Christmas Adam… there was a scratch on the bumper that I made them replace.  Then also go them to give us new remotes and another key (the car had no keyless remotes and only had one key).  It was a great success.

Then I charged it all to my credit card to be paid in full in January.  Perfect… plus I also get 1.5% of the price back in the credit card refund. 

Now, we have a car for Junior.  And hopefully it doesn’t break down next week.

Stunning called the other day saying she didn’t feel quite right.  This is normal though right now as she has entered into the “uncomfortable” stage of pregnancy.  She’s uncomfortable sitting, standing, sleeping, laying, walking, running, looking, thinking, waiting, riding, driving, and just about anything else… she’s uncomfortable. 

However, on this day, she called to say she felt so uncomfortable she’s calling the nurse’s line at her doctor’s office.  She left a message and over two hours later, the nurse called back.  After explaining the extreme pressure she was feeling, the nurse said to come in and they needed to check to make sure she wasn’t in false labor (or something like that).

False labor?  I don’t know what that means, but anything with false isn’t necessarily a good thing.  Honestly, from what I understand, false labor = braxton hicks contractions = not a bad thing.  Anyway, the nurse seemed concerned enough about something for us to come in. 

Needless to say, when the nurse seems concerned and insists you come in to be checked out, it makes one a bit nervous.

We arrive at the clinic and tell the nurse there exactly the same thing my wife told the nurse on the phone.  The nurse here states, “Oh. That’s nothing to be concerned about.  That’s normal in pregnancy.”

Oh.  Well, thanks Nurse Line Nurse for not calling for two hours, then when you do call to get us into a semi-concerned panic, make us both leave work early, and then arrive to find out that everything is normal. 

Such are the pains of pregnancy though.

The thought of false labor got me thinking about actually having Junior.  Soon enough, we’ll be heading to the hospital to actually give birth to our son.  Then, I’ll get to know him!

I’m not sure if this is normal for most father still waiting for their child to be born, but I feel really disconnected from him.  I get to hear my wife talk about what he’s doing…

“He’s sleeping.”
”He’s awake.”
”Oooo… he’s kicking now!”
”Junior sure is quiet today.”
”Junior is doing flips.”

Sometimes she says “He’s really kicking,” and I hurriedly put my hand on her stomach, only for her to say, “Oh, you won’t be able to feel it.”  (Apparently, he’s kicking her insides.) How disappointing.  It’s almost like the two of them have this amazing relationship even before birth and I’m just on the outside looking in. 

Other times, he’ll be kicking up a storm and she’ll grab my hand, put it on her stomach and then…. nothing.  He stops.  It’s for this reason, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really like me.  He might grow to like me, but right now, he’s not too excited about me being around.

It got me to wondering if this is normal.  I’m almost jealous of my pregnant wife (not jealous enough to deal with being pregnant), but jealous that she gets to have this type of relationship with our son and I’m left sitting on the sidelines.  I’m sure once he’s born, this will change, but for right now it’s frustrating.

A couple years ago, I told Stunning that when she got pregnant to tell me by buying the WillowTree New Dad sculpture and giving it to me.

I’m not too big into this little figurines, but I thought it would be a cool and cheesy way to find out that I’m a new dad. Plus, sometimes I like to play into stereotypes and having these figurines is a good Christian stereoptype.

Anyway, I mentioned it and then I found out my wife was pregnant by her walking out of the bathroom saying, “I think I’m pregnant” and then start crying. Needless to say, that was slightly less magical than finding out through my little figurine.

This Christmas I got a great present though. The statue. I knew what it was when I was unwrapping it, but since it was in my head that I’d get this shortly before I became a father… I think unwrapping it was a bit too much to handle. Not gonna lie… couple tears got in my eyes. I’m not entirely sure why, but it did.

It came a few months late and perhaps we’re all in a better position now to give and receive it, but for sure it’s the best Christmas present I have ever been given.

Ikea issued a recall on a high chair. 

I’d issue a recall on that too. 
(Stole this info from daddytypes.)

This is a classy Christmas tree:

This is our tree… It’s not classy, but it’s pure family…

Honestly, I don’t think that we have any “real” ornaments. That’s not true. We do have a few. We have a few “first Christmas” ornaments from when we got married. But for the most part, our Christmas tree consists of lots and lots of ornaments that Stunning and I made when we were young. I’m talking really young. I’m talking our hands were this big young:

That hand is about 3 inches, just FYI.

I’m talking, I thought this was high quality artwork young (if only you could see her face better…giant eyes…huge nose, big mouth).

This is an “ornament” Stunning made when she was a little one. It’s a manger scene. That yellow figure is Jesus. There’s a little lamb at his feet. Apparently Joseph and Mary are identical except Joseph has a beard (or is vomiting. I can’t tell which)

What Christmas tree would be complete without an ice cream cone ornament? And yes, that base is a real ice cream cone. How has that survived all these years?

I’ve got a couple St. Louis Cardinals players just hanging out on the good old tree. Stunning hates them and thinks they are tacky. Then I reminds her of two things: 1) Our entire tree is tacky, and 2) You have these all over the tree:

Barbie ornaments. Her grandma would give me a Barbie Christmas ornament for every holiday, birthday, etc. Her Grandma was a shopper…one of those ladies who had gifts ready for people years before they were to be given. She died after Stunning and I had been dating for a year or so. The Christmas before we got married, this ornament was under the tree for my wife with a note (in her Grandma’s handwriting) that said: “To “Stunning” when she gets married”

Creepy to get a gift from your Grandma from beyond the grave but neat that the family kept it for her and gave it to her like her Grandma would have wanted.

I think 20 Barbies on the tree is overdoing it, so I only allow her to choose her 5 favorites.

So there ya have it. Our random tree.

It makes me wonder what kind of tree you guys have? On second thought, if yours is filled with chainsaw and knife ornaments, keep it to yourself…

Christmas for most is a pretty happy time of the year. However, you wouldn’t know it from most Christmas Songs. Merry Christmas All!

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

A lovely story about a young reindeer that is physically handicapped or just plain ugly reindeer. His friends? He has none. Everyone makes constant fun of him for his red nose and his life must be absolutely terrible. Then, the only reason people come to like him? It’s not for his personality or who he is… it’s because he did something no one else can do. (Any by the way, as a former television meteorologist, it’s always going to be foggy somewhere on Christmas Eve… every year… guaranteed.)

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

A heart warming tale of a young man coming home for Christmas. He’s very excited about it and can’t stop… singing…. about it. Then the song ends with, “Only in my dreams.” Ouch. That’s terrible.

Frosty the Snowman

It’s awesome when the old silk hat they found made him come to life one day. He ran around, they thumped a lot, then they got in trouble with the law… then as the other kids are getting arrested most likely, Frosty melts away. Not only are the kids in trouble, but the song ends with Frosty dying.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause

Perhaps the worst song of them all. This kid's Mom is cheating on her husband with some guy dressed at Santa. Nothing like getting Adultery for Christmas!!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year. There will also be a lot of things, like parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and caroling out in the snow. There’ll be scary ghost stories……. wait… what? Scary ghost stories? Are you kidding me? Was the singer having a halloween flashback? My family has never told a ghost story at Christmas time. Clearly, there’s some issues the person has and they need to work through them with a counselor.

Last Christmas

Leave it up to the 1980s to create a song that sounds cheerful, but is actually about a woman ripping out a a guy’s heart and being with another guy. It was really nice for the guy last year to give her his heart, but who would’ve expected that the VERY NEXT DAY she would give it away? This year though, he seems to have learned his lesson and will give it to someone special. Seriously though, the guy needs some help… he clearly sees long-term relationships with every girl he dates.

Blue Christmas

Here’s a song that is overtly depressing… in its name and the fact the guy will have a blue Christmas without you.

The Christmas Shoes

This is the number one most depressing song at Christmas and, honestly, the dumbest song too. It’s very cheesy. The kids wants some shoes so mom looks good for Jesus? That’s nice, but shouldn’t she have a nice dress too? But more than anything… I hate this song, because it’s all about the song writer bragging about his good deeds. The last half of the song is about him buying the shoes for the kid. This song, for some reason, just makes me angry. The video is pretty cheesy too.

It’s Crispin, Porter + Bogusky.  I don’t have a list of my top 5 nor could I name any others… (I actually could, because I have some customers that are ad agencies, but I digress)…

The main reason I like this agency is for their work with Burger King.  They created the Subservient Chicken (go there and tell it to March Like a German Soldier).  They created this dude, who is pretty famous in my head:

And they also created this ad:

Slightly offensive?  Yes.  And that’s why they pulled it quickly.  I’m not quite sure why a noble Cowboy represents Texas and El Cachito represents Mexico….

Then there was the time they found people in remote parts of the world and made them eat a burger… these are people who never have eaten processed food in their lives.  I’m slightly surprised they didn’t die.  The name of this campaign?  The Whopper Virgins.

They actually made a documentary.

Anyway, so whenever someone asks me “Hey, what’s your favorite ad agency?” I always reply, “Those people who do the Burger King commercials.”  Then I ask why they’re asking such a stupid question.

  Burb is my sister-in-law.  She loves Harry Potter.  She hates Twilight, the books about vampires who really aren’t like vampires.  Twilight vampires don’t die in sunlight… they sparkle.  They can also drink animal blood instead of human blood.  They also don’t turn into bats, but instead can have special powers like mind reading.  They also sleep in normal beds and not coffins.  Twilight Vampires aren’t real vampires and it really makes Burb mad.

What makes her even more mad?  The fact that Edward, the main character in the Twilight novels, is a pedophile and the two are in an abusive relationship.  Edward is actually 100-something years old and Bella is in high school.  He also gives his girlfriend bruises and hurts her, which she brushes off by saying, “He didn’t mean to…” and “He loves me.”  Wow.

Anyway, Burb went to Nordstrom and saw the Twilight paraphernalia all over the place.  She was so angry, she wrote a letter:

   I just wanted to say that I was extremely disappointed last time I went into the "juniors" section at Nordstrom. Everywhere I looked there was something that had to do with twilight; Twilight video playing on the screen, cardboard cutouts of Edward, and pictures of the characters as well as quotations on the mirrors from the books. It was disgusting. You were selling sparkling body lotion so that consumers can "sparkle" just like those faux vampires in the books/movies.

  I realize that it is the juniors section and therefore you are catering to the 13 year old girls who are obsessed with twilight, along with the 30 year old women who act like they are 13. I realize the twilight books are not written for my age group but that doesn't mean I can't tell how bad the Twilight books are. There is no depth to the characters. If anything, Bella needs to get a restraining order against Edward because he is a f***ing stalker. Yet, for some reason, girls think he is the "perfect" man and constantly wish that they could have and Edward of their own. Books like Twilight make women have unrealistic expectations about men and romance, and therefore cause the divorce rates to grow. Yes, I DID just blame sh*t like Twilight for the increasing number of divorces.

  Bella and Edward have an extremely unhealthy relationship; Edward spies on Bella while she sleeps, eavesdrops on her conversations, forges her signature, tries to dictate her choice of friends, encourages her to deceive her father, disables her truck, has his family hold her at his house against her will, and enters her house when no one's there -- all because, as he says, he wants her to be safe. Edward, so "strong" and "perfect" gives Bella a multitude of bruises. But it's okay, because Bella says "it's really nothing." Yes, let us teach girls that it is okay if men spy on us, hurt us physically, tell us who we can and cannot be friends with, and basically dictate every aspect of our lives. Bella gives up her identity and throws away everything that matters in her life for a psychotic boy. Is that what we want to teach girls today?

  I have always valued Nordstrom due to their remarkable customer service and quality of products. So, when I walked into the store last week and saw Twilight shit all over the place, of course I was disgusted. Twilight is everything that is wrong with society and Nordstrom is now just another one of its pawns.

Nordstrom is known for their customer service, so it’s no surprise she got a real response from the company within days of her complaint… from a real person… that actually showed action on her complaint.

Dear Burb,

I wanted to respond personally to your email.  First I want to apologize that you were not happy with the Twilight advertising and products that we are showing in our stores, and particularly here in San Antonio.  I am thankful that you spent the time to write your feedback so that we can better learn from our customers how to better service our customers.  Rest assured I have already shared your letter with our marketing teams as well as with our BP regional manager.

I hope to someday earn your business back and appreciate your feedback.

Sincerely,

Lisa Frandsen

Store Manager

Nordstrom La Cantera

How is that for customer service?  And by the way, if you want a real vampire… Watch Nosferatu…

Yesterday in church, one of the pastors discussed a little bit of the history of Christmas.  It wasn’t the sermon, but more of a history lesson of how it all came about.  I thought it was pretty interesting, so I thought I’d mention it here.

First of all, early Christians did not celebrate the birth of Christ.  They celebrated Easter, but there was no celebration of when Jesus was born.  There were some small celebrations, but nothing like we expected this day. 

In the 300s AD, the Emperor of Rome was looking for a way to unite a fractured kingdom.  His idea was to create a holiday for a “made-up” God.  The “made-up” God was Sol Invictus, or the unconquered sun.  The date of December 25 was chosen because it was the day the sun stopped its trek to the south and reversed course (with our more accurate calendar that actually happens a couple days earlier on the Winter Solstice).  Sol Invictus was great because it could encompass a whole bunch of other gods in its worship.  The Emperor at the time also allowed for everyone to worship their own gods (or God) without fear of persecution.  Sol Invictus was at the top. 

It’s ironic that the day for worship of Sol Invictus, the unconquered son, became a day of worship for The Unconquered Son.  This happened when Constantine, another emperor of Rome, made Christianity the national religion.  (He’s also the one that made the cross a symbol of the religion, by emblazing it on the shield of the Roman army.)  In order to get so many pagans into the religion, Constantine made December 25th the official holiday to celebrate the birth of the Christ.  Christmas has its roots in a purely pagan holiday. 

During the Middle Ages, it wasn’t Christmas on the minds of believers though, it was Epiphany.  Epiphany focused on the Three Kings’ visit (We Three Kings of Orient Are)…

It was considered pagan so much that in the Protestant Reformation, groups like the Puritans didn’t celebrate Christmas!  They considered it a “Catholic invention”.  It went so far that Puritans in Boston banned Christmas from 1659 to 1681.  Catholics responded by focusing the holiday on a more religious tone (it was more of a holiday of revelry previous to that), but it wasn’t until the mid-1800s that it once again became acceptable to celebrate the holiday. 

It’s got an interesting history… some of this I took from this morning’s church and other parts from Wikipedia.  I highly suggest a more in-depth read-through on Wikipedia.  It’ll blow your mind. (Maybe not… but I wanted to say that.)

So I have seen this ad on Facebook a couple times now. It’s an ad seeking Gerber baby models. I’m not sure if they are seeking real baby models or, if as this picture suggests, unborn fetus models. 

I mean, seriously! I saw this ad and thought, “someone had to have pitched that idea.” I picture a group of people sitting around a table in a conference room and one guy saying, “Okay, so get this…there’s this hand and it’d holding a tiny baby.” And someone says something like, “Oh, you mean like a preemie?” And the guy responds, “No! TINIER!" And out of that great pitch in the Gerber advertising office came this little beauty.

I consider this whenever I see a terrible ad. It’s not like one person had this idea and it is suddenly on TV…someone had to come up with it, pitch it, and an entire group of people had to agree that it was a good idea. Models had to be drawn up, examples had to be given. And yet we still get advertisements with creepy little babies.

If you go into advertising, let’s think twice about the stuff you’re putting out there.  To the Gerber ad exec who thought this was a good idea: I’m sorry, that little baby is not cute…it’s frightening.

Recently I got a voicemail from my sister-in-law, Burb. This was the message:

“John, so I’m just driving home and I was driving under a bridge and there’s this guy walking over the bridge and he’s just holding his side and I’m like ‘oh, he’s probably been shot or something’ and then I’m like ‘no he hasn’t. that’s just weird.’ and then I looked and he hadn’t been shot but isn’t that weird that like nothing really big going on right now? there’s no alien invasions that are saying they are coming in peace but actually have sinister motives and there’s not like…been a blackout where everyone thought that for the past two minutes—like there’s no like, anything like that that’s happened. Isn’t that so weird? That everything’s so normal? There’s nothing—there’s nothing really big that’s happened. Like in those shows. Just wait. Something’s gonna happen. I can feel it…Or maybe I just want something to happen. Like not anything scary, like aliens trying to kill us because that’s scary. Even though I’d totally be part of the resistance because I’m not okay with aliens trying to kill me and my family. Um….but…umm…you’re calling me right now but I need to finish this message…Um, I’d be part of the resistance but at the same time, I’d be really scared to be part of the resistance because I’d probably totally get killed. But then I’m like well maybe I’d have my concealed carry by then…except I don’t know where to kill them to make them die…like that one guy, he got stabbed where the heart would be and they were like, ‘oh good thing you weren’t human or you’d be dead.’ Like how do you kill them then? You know? If he didn’t die then how do you kill them?

Or there could be a flash forward. But that caused all sorts of drama because there were those people like killing themselves because they knew they were going to die anyway…so that’s kind of dangerous. I hope that if I did have a flash forward it’d be happy flash forward and it wouldn’t be like me cheating on my husband but then again I’m not married so that wouldn’t happen…and I hope it wouldn’t be something like someone’s drowning me in a pool of water…I hope it’d be something happy like…maybe I’m eating a lollipop? Like one of those really big ones that they sell at disneyworld that are like really huge and they have like swirls, you know? and they have mickey mouse’s face on them and it takes you a really long—(GASP)—or you know those big jawbreakers!?!? like giant jawbreakers that’s like the size of your hand? I used to buy those all the time. I hope that in my flash forward, I’d be eating one of those giant jawbreakers or a really large um…sucker…like one of those mickey mouse—Stunning once bought me one of those mickey mouse lollipops for my birthday once because I went through a phase where I bought those all the time…so I hope I’d be doing something like that. And I really hope that you wouldn’t be like…cheating—or I really hope that you wouldn’t be, um, drinking, um…and about to get shot up by people wearing masks with star tattoos. (GASP) I could be shooting you!!! I HAVE A STAR TATTOO!!! I hope my flash forward isn’t me killing you and your flash forward isn’t me killing you.  (GASP) You dying. (GASP) Oh, I hope that’s not it! Oooooooooooooooo.”

WOW.

Yesterday, I got my first “wrong number” text last night.  This is my first ever, “Texts from Last Night”….

Anyway, it came from a number I didn’t know and began asking Chris how he “really felt”.  Getting an opportunity like this only comes once a year… or lifetime.  I could say so many things, “I love you.” or “Please never talk to me again.  I hate your guts.” or “The last time I checked I would like to decorate your Christmas tree.”  The possibilities were endless.  However, I decided I would be nice and tell her my name was not Chris.  This is what happened after that…

Needless to say, my first “Wrong Number” text did not go well. I don’t quite know what set her off, but with mood swings like that, she could very well be pregnant.

I’ve wanted to talk about this for awhile.  (It’s the second post here, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to get it off my chest.)   It’s the role of not just becoming a father, but the role of having an unexpected baby.  Here’s a gift from God, but it’s been delivered to you in a time that you’re not prepared for it.

My wife just graduated law school, is working hard studying for the bar (working hard is an understatement… more like working like an underage child in a shoe factory), living in my in-laws’ guest house and I have just found a job.  There’s one good thing about the entire situation: I have a job.  It took me longer than I wanted to get one, so when I did it was with much relief.  Anyway, we’re two weeks away from the bar exam and my wife’s sister finds out she’s pregnant.  That gets Stunning (that’s my name for my wife here) thinking about herself and she begins to worry.  She takes an old generic test… one that she had from her last time of getting worried… and finds out that the baby test does nothing to calm her fears (that was her plan… take a test and not have to worry about it anymore), but it instead confirms, as in positive.

Wow.  What a way to turn a world upside down.  Stunning and I had a 5 year plan, which I included a baby in at the end of the plan and she included the baby in a 10 year plan.  What I’m about to say might be difficult for some to read and frankly now it’s difficult for me to type, but I didn’t want the child. 

There are some people in this world that try and try and try and can’t get pregnant.  There are others that want a baby more than anything else.  There are others that get pregnant right away, but lose the baby.  All of these people deserved to have a baby more than us.  There was so much guilt between the two of us about these feelings.  How do you tell other people that the gift of life you’ve created isn’t something you want.  We wouldn’t be able to travel.  We wouldn’t be able to save the money we wanted to get a house, a new car, as fast as we wanted.  There was a whole bunch of “Now we can’t” going on in both of our heads.

Well, I’m here to tell people that might be reading this… that might be in the same situation… to wait.  Step back and just wait.  As the days went by, those feelings began to fade.  They’re gone now.  I can’t describe to you how much I already love my son.  Tonight, I held my face to my wife’s belly and just listened.  You could hear him moving in there and then he started to kick or punch or head-butt my face.  There is no feeling in the world that can describe that.

I’m sorry I felt that way at the beginning.  I think more than anything it was a kind of grieving process for the passing of what could have been… That’s gone now.  Sure, I still think of my planned trip to Germany next year that won’t happen and about the Lexus IS250 that I won’t have… but they all pale in comparison to the knowledge that in March I’ll be holding my beautiful baby son.  He’s going to be magnificent.

Take that as a lesson of life… it’s really not that fun to almost kill your wife.  When your wife is pregnant, it’s even less fun to almost kill her.  And it’s even less fun to almost kill her and in the process of doing that to have the giggles.  That makes an individual extremely sad to be in that situation.

Stunning was taking her pre-natal vitamins.  They help the baby grow strong and healthy.  She went backwards though… she took the sip of water, held it in her mouth and prepared to pop the pill in her mouth.  Immediately before she did that, she was dancing to the Beastie Boys and her moves were mesmerizing.  I commented on that after she took a sip of water.  I was like “Woah!  That was amazing!” and she turned around with water in her mouth with the strangest look on her face.  She had water in her mouth and she was smiling, but not opening her mouth….  It was a ridiculous look. 

Anyway, as I’m walking to the trashcan to throw away some paper, I notice this ridiculous look and I say, “What the heck is that?!”  You know?!?  Here she was just getting down to some Beastie Boys and now she looks like a lady who just ate pure sour.  Anyway, this is too much for her to handle and I start laughing and she starts laughing, except taking a HUGE breath when your mouth is full of water makes you choke.

I look up from the trashcan and she’s not laughing… she’s actually not making any sounds at all.  She has a look of horror on her face and she’s gesturing for me to come over.  I run over there and turn her around to give the Heimlich Maneuver.  However, there’s a ever growing baby in the way.. so she pushes my hands away and I slap her on the back.

Then she starts to cough.  Coughing is good when you’re choking, because it means there isn’t a pure vacuum and you’re getting some air.  Knowing my wife wouldn’t die, I start laughing.  I don’t know why… I just do…

Of course, it’s a terrible idea to laugh when your pregnant wife is almost dying and sounds like she is dying with a cough. 

She’s fine now and so is junior.  Thank goodness.  Anyway, a couple lessons from this for any future fathers out there:

1. It sucks to be the reason your wife is about to die from choking.

2. It really sucks to laugh mere milliseconds after you realize she’ll more than likely be okay.

3.  It is possible to do the Heimlich Maneuver on a pregnant woman.. (I looked it up on the Google.)

4.  When it’s all done and she’s still coughing twenty minutes later, the pain of the whole situation comes flooding back with each hack.

A word to the wise… never ever make your pregnant wife laugh when her mouth is full of water.  It’s just a bad idea.

As my wife says, I have a law degree even though I never went to law school.  We got married the summer after she graduated from college and before she began her first year of law school.  When we were engaged, I was talking to an attorney about our plans to get married and then she would start law school and he said, “Interesting… you’ll become a newlywed and widower all in a couple of months.”  I laughed, but in the end he was right.

Here’s my three steps to surviving law school-

1) Help out.  This might take some work for some dudes, but if the newlywed house is going to stay together, it’s going to be by your work and not hers.  She won’t have time to do a lot of chores (especially that first year), so it’s up to you to take some of that burden when possible.  She still helped, but it should never be above a husband or a wife to cook, do the dishes, vacuum, the family finances, cleaning the bathroom, etc.  If there’s something that needs to be done, just do it… You’ll have no idea how much they’ll appreciate it.

2) Stay Out of Her/His Way.  This is specifically in the two weeks leading up to finals and the two weeks of finals.  If you have a wife, expect a lot of emotions.  If you have a husband in law school, I’m guessing you can expect a lot of grumpiness.  The best plan is to just vacate when possible and then meet-up with the significant other on the other side of Finals.

3) Distract Yourself.  Don’t have a hobby?  Get one.  I for one, tried to do some photography.  Still do, but now that my wife isn’t in law school, we now spend more time together.  I thought I spent time with her before, because I knew no difference… in truth though, we’re now spending time together for the first time.  Law School Wife was not the real person I married… it was some sort of weird hybrid of reality and studying all of the time. 

That’s it.  Fairly simple, but we survived.  I could see a lot of marriages that go through medical school or law school having a tough time.  The biggest thing I think for both sides to realize is to think of the other person and how they feel.  Both wife and I did a good job at that.  If you can figure that out, then it will go a long way.

I’m not going to claim that I have created the most interesting blog.  I’m not going to claim it’s an original blog.  I am going to claim the name Fatherhoody, because I was quite surprised no one on blogspot had ever taken it.  I’m not that creative.

In fact, overall, Fatherhoody seems to be fairly unique.  A quick search for “Fatherhoody” on Google gives us a couple of items:

A Hoody with Father Written On It for Cancer

and

Therefore, I guess the question is whether this should be Fatherhoodie or Fatherhoody.  Wikipedia’s article is named “hoodie”, but within the article is claims it’s called “hoodie (or hoody) or a bunnyhug (in Saskatchewan)”.  In the end, perhaps I should have called it Fatherhoodbunnyhug.