There’s something that I have learned over the last three years and it’s that in marriage, my wife and I own everything together.  It’s pretty much “our car” (though she often claims the nice car as her own) and it’s our room, and our stuff.  However, over the course of the past three years, I have also learned a valuable lesson about items that will quickly become mine.

Entering into wedded bliss, I brought a beautiful dog with me named Truman (more specifically on Truman another day) but Truman and Stunning do not get along.  She hates shedding and Truman could supply enough fur for a factory creating miniature Trumans (that’s a bad analogy, but I think you understand).  She’s slightly allergic and I sometimes think he brushes his hair with a brush and then strategically places it in locations to make her sniffle.  (“John, what’s this clump of hair in my pillow case?” as Truman snickers in the corner.)  Here’s the deal, Stunning goes in waves with Truman.  Some months she’ll slowly grow to like and appreciate him.  Then usually when she’s at the height of their relationship, he royally pisses her off.  (ie. eats our loveseat, which has happened… no joke.)  Here’s where I understand how things work.

Wife is Happy with Dog
”Our dog just did a trick.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
”Your dog needs a bath.”

Wife is Happy with Dog
”Cute!  Our dog is playing!”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
”Your dog just ate our chair.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog and Chair
”Your dog just ate your chair.”

The dog isn’t the only thing this happens to…  I’m sorry to say it also happens with Junior.  She loves him (a lot more than she loves Truman, don’t get me wrong).  However, I seem to notice similar things..

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
”Look at our son moving against my stomach.”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
”Your son is kicking my bladder.”

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
”Our son is going to look so cute in this onesie!”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
”Your son is making me sick.”  ::vomits::