Going off of yesterday’s posts, I thought I would discuss one of my favorite past-times.  I really enjoy getting angry with my wife in a store.  Not really getting angry (I don’t actually get angry about many things, which is part of the reason I find humorous), but acting like I’m a jerk. 

This works like we’re walking by a group of people in the store and I say something like:

Me: Would you hurry up?
Wife: What?
Me: You’re walking really slow.  I’m getting really tired of always having to wait for you.  It’s you being selfish that I have to wait for you and I’m over it.  Okay?  I don’t want to wait anymore and you’re just going to have to walk faster.

As the dialogue continues, my voice becomes angrier and a bit louder.  Luckily, Stunning knows my game and she placates my by playing along (most of the time).  The whole goal here is to make other people feel awkward by listening in on a fight.  It works… trust me.

A couple months ago, we were at the local grocery store checking out and I was asked by my wife to carry a bag of groceries:

Wife: Will you get this bag of groceries?
Me: No.
Wife: What?
Me: No.  I’m not going to carry it.  I’m tired of always carrying your groceries.  You need to stop being so lazy.
(Grocery store employee quickly gives me a shocked look and then quickly looks down to avoid any other eye contact.)
Wife: John, stop it.
(I start laughing.)
Grocery Store Clerk: Oh thank goodness.  I was worried.

Of course, it made it all the better that she was visibly pregnant.

Anyway, if I’m going to be a nice guy in real life, I’m glad I can joke about being a complete ass-hole.  My wife letting me do so, is just one of the many reasons she is so awesome.