Sleeping When Your Wife is Pregnant

They always say the last trimester is the most uncomfortable and I AGREE.  I’m not talking about my wife, I’m talking about me. 

Stunning is not in a good state right now.  She’s got a cold.  She’s got a giant basketball in her stomach:


You try and sleep with that in your stomach.  It moves too!! (Very similar to Alien.)

The trick for the husband is to find a way to manage his own sleep schedule when his wife in the same bed is unable to sleep at all.  Here are a few things that I, as the husband, am dealing with – turning over is a huge deal for her.  At this point, turning over in bed requires a feat of strength similar to those strongman shows where the guys have to move a refrigerator of bricks.  I also have a tough time sleeping if there are rhythmic noises and unfortunately breathing is a bit more difficult when there’s someone in the pushing against every vital organ.  And while stunning will be appalled that I’m writing this, but she does have an occasional “snore”.  Beyond that, there’s the constant urine breaks and the occasional strange dreams (we’ll discuss those in more detail later).  Needless to say, there are some interruptions to my sleep pattern.

The first thing a scientist should do is analyze.  Therefore, I bought a $0.99 iPhone App that measures your sleep cycles.  That’s right… THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT! 

Anyway, here’s a decent night’s sleep:


It’s not the best.  However, here’s a night where there was little rest for the weary:


Not a lot of deep sleep there.

Now some couples separate at this time of the pregnancy in order to sleep. We’ve decided not to do that.  Basically, because we only have one bed in the house and there’s not a good place to sleep otherwise.  I don’t sleep well on couches anyway and she should be in a bed… not a couch in her current condition.

Anyway, to survive this, I’ve noticed a couple things work.  First of all, I sleep with my ears away from her.  It’s sad, but this is not a state conducive to cuddling.  The second tip is a set of ear plugs.  Hate to say it, but this takes care of the breathing and the inevitable grunts as she attempts to roll over.  With these two tiny tips, my sleep ability has improved some. 

This wasn’t the nicest post.  Basically, blaming my wife for all of my woes and giving advice to wear ear plugs so you don’t have to hear your wife… but you know… in the ninth month of a pregnancy, you do what you gotta do.  Anyway, this is all just a little training for a few weeks time, when I won’t be allowed to wear ear plugs and I’ll get woken up by a baby… and not my wife.

I’ll get a good night’s sleep though when all the kids go off to college, so it’s not big deal.


Patrick said...

Reminded me of this article I read in the paper recently:

I'm glad you aren't like that guy.

March 3, 2010 at 7:39 AM  
Anonymous said...

John...this is payback for the strange clicking sounds you made as a toddler, and then as a little boy when you'd be sleeping in my room due to visitors...THOSE WERE ANNOYING. :P

March 3, 2010 at 10:03 AM  
Eric said...

Two words... California King.

There's no way that I'd be able to sleep with her butt on my back.

March 3, 2010 at 10:55 AM  
Kaitlynn said...

How does the magical iPhone know what stage of sleep you're in?

March 3, 2010 at 1:04 PM  

Luckily I can sleep through a tornado so I never had that problem. Hang in there a little longer. Then you won't get any sleep for an entirely different reason.

March 3, 2010 at 1:21 PM  
John said...

I'm very jealous.

That guys doesn't deserve to have a baby. Or... he at least deserves to have a very loud, misbehaving, crying child.

March 5, 2010 at 7:48 AM