Is there anything harder in the world than a mom going back to work after having her first kid?  After seeing it happen this past week, I would have to say no.  As most of you know, Stunning was offered a job about a week and a half ago and all of a sudden we realized she’d be back to work before any of us expected it.  That day came on Monday and she got all dressed up and after the two month appointment, went into the office.

The night before was the toughest part though.  It’s definitely a struggle to weight the need for money to give your kid a good life and the need to be with him to do the same. 

Does part of me worry about both parents working?  Absolutely.  You see kids where the parents give them little attention as they work all the time and most of the time, those kids are messed up.  I think when both parents work, there has to be a lot of work by the parents to make the time with the kids worthwhile and meaningful.  It’s probably easier now though, because Junior can’t function as a person without us.  However, when he gets older it’ll be easier to let him play by himself as we take a breather.  It’s important not to do that though, I think… as hard as it might be. 

In the end, Stunning did great and I’m amazingly proud of her being the bread-winner.  Now, we just have to balance that whole “latch key kid” versus “impactful parents”.

Well, on Monday we took Junior up to get his vaccinations.  I’m happy to report that he’s a wonderful 11 pounds 4 ounces and 22 inches long/tall.  That’s the 50% for both!!  That means folks that my kid is just average.

Of course, the scary part are the shots.  The needles came out and holy crap were they long.  I didn’t think he had that much room for them to go in and not come out the other side.  Well, they went in and boy was he PISSED. 

For many parents, this is the first time they see their kids in pain.  I wish I could say the same thing, but I can’t.  In fact, there are so many scary stories about these shots that I was expecting something other worldly.  He started screaming and I realized this was the exact same face and the exact same scream he will give if his acid reflux is bad.  I had seen it numerous times before and for a couple weeks, I saw it every single day.  That’s when it hit me… the pain, which I knew was bad, was excruciating for him.  Poor little man. 

Here’s the best part of the shots – we thought he’d be fussy and mad for hours.  I mean, he usually is a fussy baby, so having these shots would make it worse.  Au contraire!  Instead, he had a normal day.  How crazy is that?  I count my blessings though.

He cried for about 5 minutes.  Then he settled down and looked like this:

Then he was pretty good for the rest of the day!

Mother’s Day is full of pomp and circumstance.  Even moreso when it is the first Mother’s Day for a Mom.  Don’t worry, Stunning made sure I knew it was an important and big holiday. 

We didn’t do much special.  Of course, we usually go to church, but our pediatrician suggested not going to church until the two month shots (more on those tomorrow).  We didn’t go to church.  Instead, we marked the day by letting mom hang out and dictate what she wanted and how.  Basically, if she wanted Junior, she got him.  If he was being fussy, I got him.  You know… that kind of situation.

We went to lunner (lunch/dinner).  I got her a piece of jewelry to commemorate this momentous event. Then I left her at home with the kid and went to the San Antonio Spurs game.  The Spurs game was unexpected, but it was either I go or my mother-in-law go.  My mother-in-law didn’t want to go, so it was kind of a Mother’s Day present to her that I went.  It was a sacrifice for the happiness of the mother-in-law.  Stunning even signed off on it… I swear.

The end.

We got this really cool suit and tie for Jack from our friends in Wisconsin.  Pretty much the classiest outfit the kid owns and I can’t wait for him to wear it around looking all cool and stuff. 

Anyway, the following is the thank you note sent to the gift givers:

Dear Gift Givers,

You guys are awesome.  That suit is Junior’s best outfit BY FAR.  Leave it to the gay men to be sure that Jack is the best dressed baby on the block.  When I become a rich lawyer, I am flying you guys down here.  Or maybe I’ll just whore myself out for extra dough – we miss you guys so much and MUST see you… even if it means a VD here and there.  Nothing wrong with hooking.  OKay – this thank you note too a bad turn real fast.  Thank you for the suit.  There. That’s what I meant to say.  Love, Us.

Wow.  I always knew my wife had a knack for writing thank you cards… I guess I just never realized her full talent.

A couple weeks ago, I posted a little video by an artist, singer, composer that goes by the name Sufjan Stevens.  He goes by the name… because it is his real name. 

Anyway, Stunning and I have tried everything to soothe Junior when he’s going crazy.  This is either in pain crazy or fussy crazy.  The only thing that can soothe him though is me playing music of Sufjan Stevens really loud.  It has a lot of instrumental parts, his voice is very calm, and there’s a female in a lot of his songs who also has a calm voice.

It works like magic.  I’m serious people.  It’s like there are two babies… the baby that doesn’t listen to Sufjan who is crying and the baby who is listening to Sufjan and is in some sort of comatose existence with eyes open just staring…

I think Junior is confused.  Sufjan’s got a good voice.  His dad has a voice similar to Roseanne Barr/Arnold/Barr/NoLastName singing the national anthem.  So Sufjan comes on and Junior is just trying to find who that other guy is in the room, because it sure as hell isn’t his father.

There are things in life that are better left never experienced.  Quick sand.  Burning alive.  Being suffocated by a giant snake.  Smelling a baby’s poop when they drink Neocate. You know.  Those sorts of things.

Neocate, if you might remember, is that super expensive, super fancy formula for kids with severe milk protein allergies.  My little boy has that and this formula has helped out quite a bit.  Now, he still has his less than stellar feedings, riddled with pain, but I think the Neocate has helped to at least limit those some.  (I’m writing this Sunday evening after an evening filled with painful cries, so I hope the Neocate is still working.)

Neocate is really basic and super easy to breakdown in the baby’s stomach.  For this reason, it also causes some crazy stuff to happen to the bowels of the baby.  All babies on this formula deal with this, so they actually address it on their website.  Anyway, the only stuff left in the bowels is bacteria and bile.  Therefore, what’s pooped out by baby is bacteria and bile. 

It is dark forest green and could clear a room in a matter of seconds.  If you bottled it up, it would cause George W. Bush to invade our house to prevent us from using weapons of mass destruction (and he would find some).  It is similar to roses, if you were to take roses and crack eggs over them and then place them in a car and close the car door on a sunny 100 degree plus day and come back 8 hours later and get in the car… that’s similar to how it smells.

If you’ve never experienced it, you should be happy.  You are a lucky soul.  We have a diaper genie type thing.  You know, those special trash cans supposed to prevent smells of diapers from getting out.  It’s got like a trap door and another door on top of door to prevent smells.  Ya… this stuff gets out of there.  We have to bag the dirty diapers in a ziploc bag before throwing them away.

That’s my story about poop.  The end.

There are certain things before Junior came that I thought were just ridiculous to have/buy/own/want.  Here’s a few of those things now that I thought were dumb and now I love:

Goodness gracious.  If we didn’t have this thing, I think my face would fall off.  It’s good for naps and getting him to calm some.  He’ll sleep longer in it and it’s good for the reflux because he’s not laying down flat and is at an angle.  It makes me jealous, because it looks comfortable and I would like to have one myself.

This pack and play has vibration on it as well.  It also makes nature noises and music to fill in as white noise when Sufjan isn’t playing in the background.  This allows Junior to stretch a sleep another 45 minutes sometimes.  It also has the vibration so that it will get him to fall asleep.  I heart this.

I thought this was just ridiculous.  There’s a thing called a blanket and I’m more than capable of dangling a toy above his head.  In the end though, this thing is awesome.  The patterns and colors will keep him occupied, plus puke just lifts right up from the fabric.  Gotta love stuff where puke is easy clean-up.  As a Acid Reflux baby, there’s a lot of puking that happens in our house too.

In our quest to find anything at all that would soothe our son, we decided we’d be in the market for one of these swings.  Just another item I never thought was necessary.  A guy at work came to the rescue and just gave us one.  HOLY COW… thank you…  At his fussiest, this can create a calm baby.  Amazing.

We’ve gone through a couple interviews with potential nannies… like most things in parenthood we turned to the internet for some suggestions.  This time we were looking for questions to ask a potential nanny.  We found some good resources. 

On one website, we went through multiple questions on this website.  Good stuff like:

• How do you handle a crying baby? How do you feel when dealing with a crying baby?
• What do you see as your primary responsibility to a child this age?
• What activities would you engage in with a child this age?
• How long do you think a baby should be left to cry?

Then we kept reading getting more and more information about what questions to ask.  Then we read this “suggested” question:

• What are your thoughts about masturbation?
• How would you handle it if you noticed that my (insert age) was masturbating?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

As mentioned, we found someone for May… that’s Aunt Burb.  After that though, we’re on the great search using the interwebs.  It’s www.sitters.com and www.sittercity.com  They’re kind of craigslist of the nanny world where people put out their qualifications and you find someone that you think will match well.  We’ve got a couple interviews planned, but one has to wade through quite a bit to reach this point.

First of all, to the people applying on these websites, pictures of your cleavage are not a selling point.

(I’ve protected the face of this potential nanny.)  Of course, Stunning won’t let us hire any cleavage nannies, because she’s scared there’s a reason they have so much cleavage… and that reason is me.  I mean… c’mon what potential nanny wouldn’t want to sleep with me!?!?

Pictures of you in a bathroom… also not advised:

…even if you think it’s a great picture of you..

If you apply and your sitter website profile picture is awesome:

…but please know we’ll search your name on facebook…

…and we will not hire you.

If we tell you about our baby’s acid reflux and hysterical crying, please do not act like it isn’t a big deal in a reply to our inquiries:

And knowing Junior has acid reflux I know how to handle him. My mom suffers from it so I know it is very painful at times. And yes I would be able to handle the screaming all baby's do it. :)

Junior’s acid reflux is not like your mom’s… and not all babies cry like he does.

Anyway, through a lot of this, we found some really good women.  We hope to have someone lined up by the end of the week.

Well, it looks like Stunning will be heading back to work soon.  If everything goes according to plan, she’ll start her permanent position on June 1.  She’ll work on a contract/temporary position at the company for the month of May.  Of course, this means we have to find someone to take care of Junior and we have to find them quick.  Really quick.  Like, she’ll probably be working full time at the office next week quick.

For the month of May, we think we found someone:

That is Junior’s Aunt Burb.  She’s going bike riding across the United States in June, but she’ll be at home, bored, and poor in May.  The poor part is the most important part, because we’re going to pay her.  Clearly, she wants to be part of Junior’s life… since you know… she’s loving the pacifier with him.

After May though, things become pretty much crazier.  How do you find a place/person that you trust with your child when your child can be a bit much to handle with the non-stop painful crying?  It’s tough.. we eventually decided that we’d like to find a nanny instead of a daycare.  I think this has a lot to do with the fact that Stunning was a nanny, so she’s big into the nanny thing. 

We signed up for two services: www.sitters.com and www.sittercity.com and we’ll hopefully find someone through there.  A little more about them tomorrow!