People said these posts are boring. This is the last one.  I promise. I had it written now for awhile, but I didn’t want to bore people too much.  Anyway… this is the last post.  Enjoy… or please try to.

With the primer done, it was time to move on to the actual paint.  This piece of furniture is a little different though, because it has a wicker back.  For that reason, I took some cheapo spray paint… …told  you it was cheap…and hit that part of the chair:

Why?  Wicker/Reed is tough to get into all the little cracks.  While I planned to give it some of my actual paint, I figured this would be a way to fill in a few spots with black that wouldn’t get it otherwise.

Not perfect.. and I’ll still take a paint brush to it.  However, it will allow me to use a smaller amount of paint on the brush and avoid any type of clumping. 

After the spray paint, I got some higher quality stuff..

….and applied the first coat.

There were still some noticeable imperfections with just one coat…

My dog also has one coat…

So, a few days later, I applied a second coat… AND VOILA!  The finished product:

From this… to this…

Not bad!  Hopefully, it lasts…

Guest Post from the Wife:

I have a good number of creative people in my life. My mom is an artist:

My husband loves photography:

And getting pregnant has given me the opportunity to see how many of my friends also possess sweet skills. One friend gave me a homemade bib, stuffed blue polka dotted “J”, and a diaper carrying case.  I’ve received tons of decorated onesies.  Another friend made me one of the most beautiful cards I have ever seen (it’s got Junior’s monogram on it and will definitely be going in his room). Another made me a “hooter hider” (look it up).  Yet another has me on pins and needles because she’s a fantastic little crafty chick and she’s making something for Junior. And then, dear readers, a law school friend gave me this awesome little number:

It’s a baby bouquet! She rolled up onesies, hats, socks, etc. and made it into a floral arrangement! HOW COOL IS THIS!?!?!Now as much as I appreciate all these awesome presents, I’m getting a bit down on myself. The only thing I’ve ever made is my taggy blanket and, let’s be honest, it took much more work than it probably should have.

In an effort to join the ranks of my creative family and friends, I have decided to undertake a big project. BIG, people! As you may recall, we picked out this bedding for Junior’s room:

Well, as it turns out…you really aren’t supposed to use those bumpers around the edges (some people say it’s okay once they get about 9-12 months old). And I plan to buy a different fitted sheet because apparently you’re supposed to have a sheet that is SUPER tight and won’t move in the slightest when the baby moves. So that left me with just the crib skirt and quilt…for a whopping $150 or so. I thought this was a bit ridiculous…especially when there are so many other things that we really need. So I decided, “Hey! I can be crafty like my friends! I’ll just find some cute black and white fabric for about 20 or 30 bucks and make the crib skirt and quilt myself!”

Here’s the problem: we could only afford so much fabric so if it didn’t work out, Junior would be out of luck. He wouldn’t have a crib skirt or a quilt (not that he would care).  And the possibility of this not working out was pretty high---I’d never used a sewing machine prior to making those taggy blankets earlier this month and let’s be honest, a tiny blanket is much easier than an entire crib skirt. 

So I started out with the best of intentions. I went to the fabric store to get some black and white fabric, being especially careful to avoid anyone who looked as if they wanted to ask me how far along I was. I came home and measured the crib very carefully, I measured my fabric and cut it into pieces and then…I tackled it: the sewing machine. My mom sat down with me and told me how to rethread it if it came undone and how to do gathering and she let me loose. Now I’m not going to say that I didn’t freak out and get inner rage a couple times. I'm not even going to pretend like I didn’t break a heavy duty sewing machine needle and have to go buy a new one. What I will say, however, is that I am pretty flipping proud of how this skirt turned out:

(Yes, Junior’s crib is nestled between my bar certificate on one side and my diploma on the other. Our current living arrangements are kind of temporary and I don’t have anyplace else for all this stuff right now.  So Junior will be in the room where we put stuff we don’t know what to do with. Yep, we’re awesome parents.)

So I did a close up of the crib skirt and it doesn’t even show how bad the seams are! They are all uneven and gross looking. But I tried, gosh darn it! And I got a crib skirt for $20 plus the cost of frustration and a broken needle. I was going to make the quilt this weekend too but as I was finishing up the skirt, I somehow managed to get the bobbin all unthreaded and I can’t figure out how to get it fixed. So now I just have to wait until my mom can help me out again.

So now the crib is all ready! Just need to get a mattress to go on top of my new “please don’t look too closely at the seams” crib skirt. But crib mattresses are a bit pricey. Hmm…I wonder how much it would cost me to make one of those?

His name is Truman.  Truman was one item that I brought into our marriage that wasn’t thrown away.  (That and my rocking corduroy shirt, which Stunning despises.)  Anyway, I think everyone that knows Truman has a love/hate relationship with the dog.  Some, such as my wife, are proportionately on the hate side.  For me, it’s more on the love side.

Truman is an amazingly kind dog.  He’s never really met a person he doesn’t like and if a robber were to come into the home he would love them so much that he might offer them a cup of coffee and then assist them in placing items in their car. 

How can you not love those big puppy dog eyes and face?  He might just be the cutest dog in the world… There’s another side to Truman though.

It’s the criminal side.  The side that will destroy items, eat things he shouldn’t, and lay around on furniture he has no business being on.

For example, one day Stunning came home to find Truman had eaten the chair.  When I left that day, I placed some liver paste (one of his favorite paste flavors) on a chewie and put it on the floor.  Well, he licks the paste off and accidentally shoves it under the chair.  The only way to get it now is to move the chair and rip it apart.  Then he gets so excited about his brut strength in moving furniture he also got a gift bag of tea and tears it apart. 

Let me just say that Truman was “my dog” for a long time after that.

There’s another time though that Truman decided he no longer wanted to be in his really expensive wooden kennel. 

He was “my dog” after that as well.

He’s no longer to be “home alone” anymore.  When he is, he knocks over trashcans and eats Baker’s Chocolate (then has to go to the vet, and the vet gives him “charcoal” to bind to the poison chocolate, and then he pukes charcoal and chocolate vomit on white carpet just hours before Stunning is throwing a baby shower at our apartment).  He spends his nights free to roam the house (at least until Junior comes), but he almost always stays peacefully in bed.  He spends most of his days outside in the yard lounging. 

No matter what he does though, Truman’ll always be a super dog in my book.

When growing up, movies would come out and I would hear my dad say, “Oh ya, I saw that movie when they made it back in the 1960s!”  It always meant my dad was older than me… he remembered decades that I didn’t even exist in.  Movie remakes happen, but they seem to be happening at a great pace. 

The reason I bring this up is that they’re going to remake Spiderman.  SPIDERMAN… you know the movie that just came out a few years ago.  The original Spiderman was released in 2002.  The film’s maker (Sony, I believe) has decided to drop Tobey McGuire and start the whole thing over.  Huh?  You just started it. 

Then you have other movies like The Incredible Hulk that were kind of rebooted, but really weren’t.  They were both pretty big messes. 

I can’t wait to take my son to see the remake of Avatar in a couple years.  I’ll tell him “Ya, I remember when this movie came before you were even born!”

I love me some Photoshop.

Like the time I went to the Olympics:

Or when I got that job with Good Morning America:

Or when I travelled the world:

(Funny story about these pictures.  I thought it would be cool to get a couple of them printed and put on my coffee table when I was hanging out in La Crosse, Wisconsin in my bachelor pad.  My landlord came over one day and saw me at the Taj Mahal.  “Oh!!  You’ve been to India?!?” Then went on to have a long conversation about India. I didn’t really want to tell him that the picture was faked, because I didn’t want to look like a weirdo to the landlord, so I went along with it.  Oops.)

Anyway, there’s a website called Man-Baby.  The whole gist of the site is to take your child’s head and swap it with your own.

An example:

Ya.  Pretty much awesome.  Anyway, I can’t wait for the day when I swap my head with Junior’s.  I got impatient a few months ago though.  Therefore, I decided to place my adult face onto a picture of me as a baby.  Let’s just say there’s no one that has seen this picture that likes it. 

I, personally, don’t see what’s so bad about it….

There’s something that I have learned over the last three years and it’s that in marriage, my wife and I own everything together.  It’s pretty much “our car” (though she often claims the nice car as her own) and it’s our room, and our stuff.  However, over the course of the past three years, I have also learned a valuable lesson about items that will quickly become mine.

Entering into wedded bliss, I brought a beautiful dog with me named Truman (more specifically on Truman another day) but Truman and Stunning do not get along.  She hates shedding and Truman could supply enough fur for a factory creating miniature Trumans (that’s a bad analogy, but I think you understand).  She’s slightly allergic and I sometimes think he brushes his hair with a brush and then strategically places it in locations to make her sniffle.  (“John, what’s this clump of hair in my pillow case?” as Truman snickers in the corner.)  Here’s the deal, Stunning goes in waves with Truman.  Some months she’ll slowly grow to like and appreciate him.  Then usually when she’s at the height of their relationship, he royally pisses her off.  (ie. eats our loveseat, which has happened… no joke.)  Here’s where I understand how things work.

Wife is Happy with Dog
”Our dog just did a trick.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
”Your dog needs a bath.”

Wife is Happy with Dog
”Cute!  Our dog is playing!”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog
”Your dog just ate our chair.”

Wife is Unhappy with Dog and Chair
”Your dog just ate your chair.”

The dog isn’t the only thing this happens to…  I’m sorry to say it also happens with Junior.  She loves him (a lot more than she loves Truman, don’t get me wrong).  However, I seem to notice similar things..

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
”Look at our son moving against my stomach.”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
”Your son is kicking my bladder.”

Wife is Happy with Pregnancy
”Our son is going to look so cute in this onesie!”

Wife is Unhappy with Pregnancy
”Your son is making me sick.”  ::vomits::

As mentioned previously, Stunning and I are pretty obsessed with Seinfeld.  As veterans of the show and the ability to spot plotlines in everyday life, we’re certain we are in the top percentage of the population for our Seinfeld knowledge.  I’m not saying there aren’t people out there that know more and can quote more, because there certainly are… but I’m talking about our ability to hold our own with those fanatics.

We had every season, except season 9, which is the final season.  We had watched 1 through 8 nonstop since we got married, but never had access to the final season.  After Christmas, we were able to use a giftcard to purchase the final season.  While it will never go down in history as the best Seinfeld season, it does hold its own with some episodes reaching cult status and still used in conversation today.

• Serenity Now!
• Hellllooooooo!
• Bad Naked vs. Good Naked
• Festivus

Of course, there is no better exchange in Season 9 than the following:

Elaine: It's funny.

Jerry: It's a pig at a complaint department.

Elaine: And he's saying " I wish I was taller" ha ha. See? that's his complaint.

Jerry: I get it.

Elaine: Do you!!!.. because that's not a normal complaint.

Jerry: How 'bout if it was something like " I can't find my receipt my place's a sty.”

Elaine: Everything with you has to be so .. jokey.

Jerry: I'm a comedian.

Elaine: I wish I was taller, that's, that's, that's nice. that's real.

Jerry: Well I got a complaint. This cartoon stinks.

Elaine: I'll tell you who doesn't think it stinks, The New Yorker. that's right. They're publishing it in their next issue.

Kramer taps on a sheet of paper that he gives to Elaine to read.

Elaine: The pig says "my wife is a slut."

Jerry: Now that's a complaint.

For my love of all things Seinfeld, I think I’m going to begin a Seinfeld quote of the week.  It is your job each week to somehow play off the quote, with more things Seinfeld. Of course, this week’s quote is:

The pig says "my wife is a slut."